Beth's Blog on Etiquette

www.PRINCIPLES OF ETIQUETTE.com Contact BETH: Beth@EtiquetteQuestions.com 305-345-7757

PRINCIPLES OF ETIQUETTE: Monogramming

I have noticed a simple monogram jewelry piece that is very popular right now.  So, I ordered one, but not every sales associate knows the rule.

Simple Rule for a lady who is married:

Married lady places her married name in the middle(Large letter), the left side is the initial of her first name, the far right is the initial of her middle or maiden name.

Simple unmarried Rule:  First , then, middle, then last name initial in order.

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Filed under: ETIQUETTE, Invitations, Stationery, Thank you Notes

The Facts about Thank You Notes

A thank you note is written, addressed, stamped and mailed out immediately.  A thank you note is late after 10 days and shows non appreciation or leaves the giver wondering if the recipient ever received the gift.

A thank you note

Here are some suggestions of what to write so start writing:

Dear ….

Thank you for the beautiful glass vase.  It’s already on my dining

room table being used.  It is the perfect size to hold my favorite flowers.

I look forward to seeing you in the fall.

Thanks again,

Beth

Please note that an indentation is used for the first sentence, the conclusion(Sincerely, Warm regards, Best, Love, With love,etc…) and the person’s name.

Here is another example:

Dear Grandma and Poppy,

The check you gave me for my 5th grade graduation really helps me.

I have been saving a long time to buy a IPhone and your check is a big help.

I hope to see you both really soon. I love you.

Love,

Ben    (Please indent at the first paragraph, the conclusion and who is signing)

NOTE:   When sending a business thank you or a condolence note, an indentation should be at the first paragraph and the last paragraph.

On a Personal NOTE:  Crane is a classic.  Crane & Co is the only thank you note that I feel completely comfortable with.  Why?  It is 100% cotton paper which reflects a certain nobility and sophistication.  The company seems to gets it right without being too modern, too traditional or too boring.  This company is like a simple black dress or a blue short coat.

Filed under: ETIQUETTE, Stationery, Thank you Notes

R.S.V.P.

The term RSVP comes from the French expression “répondez s’il vous plaît”, meaning “please respond”.

If RSVP is written on an invitation it means the invited guest must tell the host whether or not they plan to attend the party. There is no obligation to go to the event, but an obligation to respond immediately.  Take into consideration how the host/hosts may feels. He/She is putting on an event whether large or small and the amount of people going is critical to every aspect of the event.  Your reply can be brief, appropriate to the type of RSVP, and most importantly-TIMELY!

Filed under: ETIQUETTE, Everyday Manners, Stationery

A Calling Card for Mom

How many times does someone ask you for your card while you are out in your gym clothes or sweat pants?  It happens to me all the time so I ordered calling cards.  It makes it easier to give to someone instead of looking for a pen and paper.


Another reason for asking for a card:  If you forget the persons name, ask for their card.  This helps with the awkward moment at school or at the supermarket.  You pull out your cell phone and ask what the other person’s telephone number is but to embarrassed to ask for their name.

Take a peek at the history of a calling card.

Calling Card Etiquette, 18-19th centuries

“Calling” was a somewhat ritualized version of the fine old custom of “visiting”. There were certain fixed rules laid down by society which might apply to a resident in a small town with the same force as in a large city.

• On making a first call you must have a card for each lady of the household.
• On making a call leave your card to the servant. You will be allowed to see the hostess only after she examines your card.
• On the hall table in every house, there should be a small silver, or other card tray, a pad and a pencil.
• When the door-bell rings, the servant on duty should have the card tray ready to present, on the palm of the left hand.
• A gentleman should carry them loose in a convenient pocket; but a lady may use a card case.
• If your card receives no acknowledgment, you must conclude that for some reasons they do not wish to extend their acquaintance.
• Do not examine the cards in the card-basket. You have no right to investigate as to who calls on a lady.
• A young lady can have a card of her own after having been in society a year.
• American gentleman should never fold the corner of his card, despite of the temporary fashion. Some European gentlemen, on the contrary, fold the upper right corner to indicate that they’ve delivered it themselves (the servant should never hand his master’s card folded).
• Fold the card in the middle if you wish to indicate that the call is on several, or all of the members of the family.

I’ll get to etiquette.  My advice with Invitations.  Send out a Save the Date first.  That way if your addresses are incorrect, it can be corrected before you send out the invitations.

Remember to work with people that are experienced, meticulous, and have a great recommendation.  I have not chosen one yet.

Filed under: ETIQUETTE, Stationery

A Card

Children will pick out and send birthday, holiday, or a thank you card. I’m hopeful the practice will continue but wonder how we can educate this new online age group to the importance of a hand written messages. I just think that taking the time to pick out a card, jot a message, attach a stamp and drop it in the mail is a gesture of appreciation.  An ecard is not a replacement.

We the parent need to once again lead by example.  Please,  I am a huge advocate of the paper card.  My grandmother never missed a holiday, birthday or a milestone moment in my life.  We, the parent,  can only teach appreciation by the way we lead our life. Children watch everything.

Cards are historic. They are a symbol of sophistication. A speechless act of intelligence.   A card that is made by a child and placed in an envelope or a card from the very finest stationery store is priceless.  How do you want to be remembered? By an act of kindness or by monetary nonsense…

Filed under: ETIQUETTE, Stationery

Condolence Cards

Do I need to write a thank-you note to each person who sent me a note?

Notes of condolence should be acknowledged with a handwritten note. The only exceptions to this obligation are when the expression of condolence is simply a printed form with no personal message, or when the writer asks that his or her note not be acknowledged (a thoughtful thing to do when writing a close friend, or when someone you know well will receive a great number of condolences).

There is no official time frame for writing notes of appreciation to those who have extended their condolences and kindness to you. The important thing is that you have received comfort from the many who have helped you. For some, writing notes is helpful as they work through their grief; for others it is too difficult to get much done for some time. The best thing is to work things through at your own pace. Another option is to ask a close relative or friend to write some notes on your behalf. It’s up to you.

Filed under: Death, ETIQUETTE, Stationery

EMAIL-Thank You

The reality of email thank-you’s, much like email itself, is a degree of emotional distance: an email to your grandmother is simply not as personal as a note written in your own hand. So if you have a casual relationship with the gift giver and you correspond via email regularly, an email thank-you may be appropriate. For most other people, the written thank-you is your best bet for an expression of warm, heartfelt thanks. The last thing you want is for someone to be disappointed when her hand-knit scarf is acknowledged with a loud, animated e-card.(Emily Post)

I think the more social interaction people have and the century old thank you note is irreplaceable!  It really bothers me that we are so techie nowadays.  Our information is now at our fingertips; however, we are loosing human interaction.

It’s not important how many “friends” you have on facebook or myspace.  It’s become a challenge, a status symbol  how many “friends” you can make.  Why?  Keep your real friends.  Appreciate them. Give them your quality attention.  That’s what I am trying to teach my children.  It’s not about the quantity, but the quality of real friends that watch your back!

Filed under: ETIQUETTE, Stationery

Say “Thank You”

Say “Thank You.”

Make sure to thank your hosts before you leave, and then again by phone or note the next day.

This is a wonderful time to enjoy shopping for something so personal.  A thank you note.  This is a reflection of you!  This speaks more than the clothes you wear or the car you drive.

By boys send thank you cards to family for every gift they have ever received.  It is critical at a young age to teach your children this. At Target and Party City they sell easy thank you notes that the young child only needs to sign his/her own name.  It’s good handwriting practice.  (For a child’s birthday thank you depending on the age it should take about a week.)

Filed under: ETIQUETTE, Stationery

RSVP

RSVP ASAP

It is inconsiderate, but unfortunately common, for guests to fail to RSVP. Some forget; others procrastinate and then feel guilty, so they delay even longer. To many a host on the non-receiving end of an RSVP, it seems as if an invitee is simply waiting for something “better” to possibly come along. One of the sad parts about the demise of the RSVP is that relationships often suffer due to hosts’ resultant hurt feelings and frustration. It is perfectly polite, however, for hosts to call friends to ask if they plan to attend. Anyone who receives an invitation has an important obligation to reply as soon as possible.(Emily Post)

When  you receive an RSVP.  Don’t wait. The mom usually gives you a stamp on the self addressed envelope.  Could it be any easier.  Also, evite invitations for birthdays…same thing. Answer it Yes or No.  The maybe doesn’t make sense to me.  If it’s a maybe, pick up the phone and call or email the situation.  So much money is spent on parties and no one knows ones finances.

Filed under: ETIQUETTE, Stationery

EMAIL-Save the Date

E-mail Go’s:

“Save the Date” notices. It’s a great way to send an informal note to friends and relatives to put the date aside.

Let’s no forget the word Informal.  Sending out a Save the Date, if you have the time is wonderful.  It allows you to prepare in advance and make corrections to addresses.  They are offered at all types of stores ranging from your local drugstore to Neiman Marcus or your high end stationery store.

I would have you refer to my post about Useful Websites for online companies.

Filed under: ETIQUETTE, Stationery

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